


From inside the Beast

by superwholockwhatidk



Series: Canon-Compliant Destiel [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode: s11e10 The Devil in the Details, Episode: s11e11 Into the Mystic, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Dean, Oneshot, Pining, Pining Castiel, Possessed Castiel, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 18:47:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5939349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superwholockwhatidk/pseuds/superwholockwhatidk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set After Cas says yes to Lucifer and in the Dean and Cas conversation in Into the Mystic. </p><p>Castiel is coming to terms with his decision, but there's one thing that he didn't anticipate. Just how it would feel to be in Dean's presence, so utterly powerless to control his actions. But one promise remains that Castiel is determined to uphold - I will not hurt Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	From inside the Beast

Castiel remembers that single moment of clarity he had when he was lying on the floor in the corner of the cage. When Dean and Sam didn’t even try to rush to his aid, and when his body hurt so much and he was just so, so tired. That’s when he made a deal with the devil. 

It hurt at first, his consciousness being pushed to the furthest corner of his mind, his body being taken over. It felt completely alien and wrong and Cas tried to yell out, to renounce the deal that seemed to have been a poor decision. But Castiel couldn’t even move his mouth by that point. It was hard enough to keep a train of thought going in the cramped conditions he now resided in, let alone put up any kind of fight to regain control. Castle felt a whole new level of respect for Sam, wrestling control back from Lucifer was quickly seeming like an impossible task. 

But then the pain abated, and castiel managed to (figuratively) take a breath. he could still feel the massive, crushing presence within him, but it was bearable. And then he started to feel something else. 

It’s hard to describe the feeling of an angels grace. An angel will be accustomed to the weight and power of their own, much like humans becoming accustomed to the sound of their own heartbeats. But Castiel started to become aware of a presence unlike anything he had ever felt before. Unlike his own grace, that was tarnished but still shone silvery white, this alien grace was twisted with red flecks, silver dulled to a slate grey. 

And power - oh god the power - it thrummed and throbbed like a savage beast trying to break free. And Castiel was barely scratching the surface. The power to destroy planets lingered under the molten shell of Lucifer’s grace. 

When Rowena’s lifeless body slumped to the floor Castiel felt as if he were falling with her, his damaged grace shrinking just a bit more. He could only hover there, no more than a fragile memory in the mind of a god, and hope to anything he might have believed in that Lucifer would hold up his side of the bargain. That he would kill the darkness. 

***

The next few days passed in a haze for Castiel. he soon realised that the previous occupant of a vessel could only see what the current owner of their body allowed them to see, or hear or feel. 

The sickening crunch as the angel Lucifer killed for just trying to investigate disintegrated shocked Cas to the vey core. He knew from first-hand experience the horrific realty of being ripped apart, and by Lucifer no less. 

In Stull cemetery all those years ago it had taken a titanium effort to return to the graveyard, even when God had pieced him back together. It was only the thought that Dean Winchester is in danger that had brought him back to standing near the spot where his remains still soaked the ground. 

Cas tried to cut off taste as Lucifer raised a gore-soaked finger to his mouth and sucked. Cas pounded against the walls of his invisible prison as the cloying taste of metallic blood pervaded his mouth. The fact that it was entirely against his will made the entire situation even worse. 

But the soundless panic that erupted from Castiel at that moment was to be nothing compared to the emotions he would experience only later that day. 

***

Cas vaguely noticed Lucifer tearing apart the bunker in search of something, hopefully to do with the darkness, when he hears the sound of approaching footsteps through the link to Lucifer’s heightened hearing. 

When Dean stumbles into the room it’s both relieving and Cas’s nerves simultaneously seize up and try to get away. When Cas last talked to Dean, on the asphalt in front of the entrance to hell, he was groggy and dulled to the surroundings. 

But now Castiel is all too aware that Dean is in the presence of Lucifer, and that he has no control over his body. He’s completely helpless to what will unfold right in front of his eyes. 

Lucifer delights in the anguish that is going of Castiel in waves, if he thought that the twist in the angel’s heart when he exploded one of his so called ‘brothers’ was good, then this is all he dreamed of. The anxiety, anger and fear that are rolling off case in waves make him want to kill Dean, and see what a show Castiel will put on. But he restrains himself, for now. 

“Hello Dean.” Lucifer says, and Cas cringes at the slight different nuance to the voice, and hopes that Dean believes the act. 

Cas notes every twitch in the muscles of Dean’s shoulders, hoping that he’ll just go away. He seems to find that all too easy these days. It’s what led them to this, after all?

“Right, yeah. We don’t hear from you for days, you show up, you start wrecking the joint.” Dean sighs and looks down. Castiel’s heart twists sharply and a smug aura seems to surround him, choking him. Damn Lucifer.

But Castiel can’t say that the moment doesn't lend itself to doing one thing that he has always wished to do. Just staring at Dean. 

With all of Dean pushing everyone away it’s not surprising that Cas has had significant trouble getting him to come out of his shell. So to say that they don’t gaze soulfully into each others eyes would still be an overstatement. 

The most Castiel gets is a glimpse of tanned, freckled skin, or a brief glance at his lips. Cas understands that Dean is private, but he’s been alone for so long. Surely Cas is the one he could finally choose to let in?

Castiel zones back into the conversation as he hears Dean voice slip down a notch. He knows Dean only sounds like that when he’s opening up, and Castiel knows he must listen. He’s been alive for millennia, but these moments with Dean are almost as rare as the dawn of time itself. 

“I don’t even know where to start.” 

Then Cas feels his body moving and he starts to yell, to scream. Lucifer, with all the power of a fiery avalanche descending on Pompeii, is reaching to touch Dean. 

Cas writhes and groans, desperate to get Lucifer away from Dean. Anywhere else. He pounds against invisible walls and throws his grace against Lucifers, again and again. When he is about to black out, his grace fading to a dim glow, he finally feels something give. 

Suddenly he is the one reaching to Dean, and clasping his shoulder. And if the grip’s a bit more aggressive than usual and Dean’s eyes widen at the contact then that’s fine. Because he will not hurt Dean Winchester. 

Lucifer shoves him back in, and puts the walls back up, but it’s enough to discourage any aggressive action against Dean. 

“Tell me everything.” Lucifer says, and Cas recognises the confidence and assured authority that has quickly crept back into the tone of his voice. 

But Cas knows that even though he is exhausted, and Lucifer has won this fight, that he has taken a much more important step in the battle for his body. A small flame of hope flickers within him, and he holds on to the brief touch he managed to snatch with Dean. 

Because now he knows he can fight, and that he can win. He will get back to Dean, whatever it takes.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and leave criticism, it's my first fanfic, so hopefully the only way is up! (especially seeing as some of this is set in hell...) I may do a continuation, maybe (hopefully!) set after the boys free Cas.


End file.
